Regardless of what has brought you here. It will be reassuring to know that solutions are available for the condition you are experiencing. Addiction is a primary disease that is chronic, progressive and eventually fatal. Hope comes in the form of acknowledging that chemical dependency is treatable. Physical, emotional and spiritual pain is often the price of admission to a new way of living. A moment of clarity or some form of spiritual awakening is usually the prerequisite for accessing help. Occurrences, which are perceived as “bad” things, happen in order for “good” things to take place.

Spiritual Experience (Pg. 567 The Big Book)

Initially, addiction begins with experimentation with the gateway drugs such as alcohol and pot. Before long regular use occurs, then abuse and eventually dependency. Ultimately, one has to engage in their substance of choice in order to feel normal. The substance will work for a period of time, providing the person with the necessary reward or payoff. (It tricks you) It really doesn’t matter what substance the person is harmfully involved with because the person is actually trying to alleviate stress and numb out in an attempt to comfort self. This soul sickness relies on external gratification in order to fill an internal void. It is referred to “switching deck chairs on the Titanic” where various mind-mood altering substances are utilized as an escape from reality. It can be drugs, alcohol, sex, work, pills, food, gambling and many more.

We can debate at length why certain people are predisposed to addictive behavior and self-destructive tendencies; however a through assessment usually uncovers genetics, environmental triggers or influences, trauma, abuse, self-esteem, ego, and the critical role played by peer pressure. (15% to  20% of the population is harmfully involved with a substance.) However, many others are deeply affected by another person’s addictive behavior. It is a “family disease”.

Dependency can be simply characterized by three C’s. The first C is where one loses the ability to CONTROL usage, as it tends to dictate choices for the person. The second C refers to CONSEQUENCES where in spite of negative consequences  (relationships, vocational, legal, financial, moral, spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health) the person returns to the drug of choice as a coping mechanism when in fact it is the problem. Finally, the third C makes reference to the COMPULSION / obsession phase that has the addicted person planning usage which renders them incapable of experiencing healthy relationships with family, friends or colleagues at work. This preoccupation dictates whom they associate with and where they go. They are condemned to repeat the same mistakes over and over again expecting a different result when in fact they get the very same result. This would qualify as a definition for insanity.

Meanwhile well-intentioned loved ones including family, friends and colleagues try to influence the outcome by providing inappropriate assistance in the form of ENABLING. This act prevents the addicted person from experiencing the full consequences of their choices and addictive behavior. Therefore, a safety net keeps the individual from hitting a bottom that they need to hit in order to acknowledge the severity and nature of their problem.

Co-dependents must realize that they didn’t CAUSE this problem, they can’t CONTROL it, and they can’t CURE it. Often the wrong person takes responsibility and experiences the guilt, shame and remorse, which can perpetuate self-destructive behavior. Consequently, people are stuck in their poor choices where they continually let in the bad and resist the good. This is a BOUNDARY issuThe substance in fact is covering up a living problem and the lack of non-chemical coping   skills to deal with the stressors of everyday life. Fear is often the primary condition that keeps one from accessing help and addressing change in their life. This disease is characterized by DENIAL, which is the psychological process that serves to keep the addicted person out of touch with reality. Insidiously, the same disease that is causing so much damage in the person’s life is also preventing them from fully recognizing it.   Typically the addicted person refuses treatment that would arrest the disease and engage in a through program of abstinent based recovery. Remember, they are not a bad person trying to get good but a sick person in need of help. Admission or acknowledgement of a problem and surrender is a prerequisite to recovery.(Step # 1) Then with the key components of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness progress is not only possible but also realistic.

Secrecy allows the disease to progress and encourages self-deception. You may have to hurt a person’s feelings and intervene in order to save their life. Will they like or appreciate this? Probably not! However, if you keep doing what you are doing then you are going to get what you are getting. Destroying the enabling network will make it more likely that the addicted person will seek or accept help. Remember the sick, addicted person is the last one to know the nature and severity of the problem. It is a cycle of pain, blame and shame that drives the addict behavior.

Education is the critical first step so that all parties get help. In doing so, the shame and stigma are reduced, resulting in not feeling so alone, isolated and hopeless. The terminal uniqueness of the addict’s situation is just another telltale sign that they are in trouble. Support is vital if they are to make some changes that allow them to engage in RECOVERY. Remember, addiction is a family disease so the entire family gets sick together and therefore all have to get well together. Each person must examine the part that they played in it and make appropriate changes in their behavior.

The addict must then replace old activities and behaviors in order to give their life balance, purpose and connection to their environment. These changes gain permanence as we act our way into a new way of thinking where we develop a value and belief system that is congruent with how we conduct ourselves in daily living. The best revenge is to live your life well free of self-destructive behavior. When recovery begins you will feel humbled yet grateful for this new way of living.

One day at a time, enjoy the journey!!!!!!!!!!!!

With thanks to Daryl Sampson – M.Ed.,Cert. In Substance Abuse